Flourishing Diversity
Benedict Cumberbatch I have to say something because its giving me a headache. “How do we begin to unravel the bad habits that are ingrained in our life”. You asked such a beautifully appropriate question. I hope you were listening.
There is a phenomenon called “intellectualization”. Its a defense mechanism in which reasoning is used to block confrontation with an unconscious conflict. Mr Cumberbatch, you are sitting next to your unconscious conflict.
I believe you have unconsciously built a psychological alliance w her. At first you’re outraged, confused by the treatment; then over a long period you start to wonder why its happening; then you think if you ally yourself w the person in question, she will change, she will appreciate you so you defend her. She’s got you. You are a psychological prisoner. After treating abuse survivors for over 20 years, I am very sure of what I’m saying. It always gives me a headache.
Mr Cumberbatch, if you are not willing to get up and walk away instituting NO contact whatsoever, you will be manipulated and violated for as long as you stay. I think you’re a decent, caring man, but stop making excuses. Leave. It won’t kill you; its scary; but your self esteem will soar. Best of luck and w all due respect.
To cope with a Narcissist effectively you must be able to differentiate between reality and normalcy that is YOU AND YOUR REAL LIFE as compared to the constant drama, chaos and crazy-making that orbits around the Narcissist constantly. You must consistently validate your own personal existence and morals, and hold on to yourself with a firm grip, never allowing the Narcissist to drag you back into the abuse by violating and controlling your emotions, thoughts, or behaviors like they have ALWAYS done. If you don’t, they will eat you alive and drag you back into the abuse with their vast array of manipulation, lies, betrayal, brain-washing and essentially psychological ABUSE!
In the end, you will realize that there was absolutely nothing you gained from your relationship with a Narcissist except getting your freedom back to live a normal and healthy life again. Your empathy and emotions connected you to them at the hip – we call this “love” in a normal relationship, but unfortunately, there was not even an ounce or shred of normalcy/reality in our association with them.