Ego and The Story of Who We Are
These core beliefs combine into unconscious stories.
We believe these descriptions of ourselves and others without ever questioning them. Left to run unabated in the mind, they generate all sorts of painful feelings, including worthlessness, inadequacy and defectiveness. We reinforce and perpetuate these beliefs by moving around the triangle.
The ego is that part of us that manufactures and believes these limiting stories.
The ego is totally identified with the stories it tells and wants to keep us identified with them as well. The ego uses the triangle to strengthen these painfully, limited identities of who we are.
Failed Intimacy
Although most of us long for a sense of connection with others, many people are secretly terrified of intimacy. Allowing someone to really know us can be frightening. Intimacy requires vulnerability and honesty.
Believing at heart that we are unlovable, defective or “less than,” makes it difficult to reveal ourselves. We want unconditional acceptance, but when we haven’t accepted ourselves, it’s impossible to believe that anyone else could love us. Needing to hide our unworthiness makes distance imperative.
As long as we maintain hidden agendas and deny our truth, intimacy is impossible. Victim-hood is designed to insure alienation, not only from others, but also from ourselves. Intimacy is not possible on the triangle.
In Summary
When we are ready to be accountable, we begin to sort through our genuine motives and feelings regarding our present situation. We become willing to experience our own uncomfortable feelings and we allow others their uncomfortable feelings too, without rescuing them.
If our loved ones or associates are also willing to participate in this process of self-realization we can cultivate a healthier relationship together. As a result there is less and less interaction based on guilt, fear or shame.
The good news is that whether or not our loved ones choose to get off the triangle, we can make that choice for ourselves!
And that will change the whole dynamic between you and them. We are never victims, except by choice.
Getting off means knowing where you stand right now and being willing to negotiate boundaries when necessary.
Setting boundaries is not about being in control or manipulating outcomes.