UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES
- Noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
- Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries
- Talking at an intimate level at the first meeting
- Being overwhelmed by a person – preoccupied
- Acting on the first sexual impulse
- Being sexual for your partner, not yourself
- Going against personal values or rights to please another person.
- Falling in love with a new acquaintance
- Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don’t want
- Touching a person without asking
- Taking as much as you get for the sake of getting
- Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving
- Letting others define you
- Letting others direct your life
- Letting others describe your reality
- Believing others can anticipate you needs
- Expecting others to fill your needs automativally
- Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you
- Falling apart so someone will take care of you
- Sexual and physical abuse
- Food abuse
HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
- Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries
- Saying “No” to food, gifts, touch, sex you don’t want
- Revealing a little of yourself at a time, then checking to see how the other person responds to your sharing
- Putting a new acquaintanceship on hold until you check for compatibility
- Deciding whether a potential relationship will be good for you
- Weighing the consequences before acting on sexual impulse
- Asking a person before touching them
- Trust your own decisions
- Defining you truth, as you see it
- Knowing who you are and what you want
- Becoming your own loving parent
- Talking to yourself with gentleness, humor, love and respect
- Respect for others – not taking advantage of someone’s generosity
- Self- respect – not giving too much in hope that someone will like you
- Not allowing someone to take advantage of your generosity
- Recognizing that friends and partners are not mindreaders.