Ophie? Turner?
TWIL/TWIPT? WoBC? She goes by many names, as well as job
titles. It can be a
bit confusing, so here’s everything you need to know about the woman who tore
down DorkyBatch, and reduced him to BeigeBatch the Boringly Dismal in a very
short amount of time …How old is Rachel Turner?
1977? 1978?
It depends on which government index you read. The peerage says 1977 – oops!Um, hang on
– the other article about her said she was “one year younger” than a man born
in 1976, but then said that she was born in 1978. Does maths … uses two fingers … 1977
it is! Glad we cleared that up.Where did she go to school?
Pretty sure
she got a free lunch at the cafeteria, but we’re yet to find any record of her
actually … you know … “graduating” with any for real “qualifications”. She’s absent from any Oxford Alumni lists .
. . tho we can believe she went to clown school. But alas, again, no proof of “graduating”.How did Rachel Turner and Benedict
Cumberbatch meet?In a Loo? 17 years ago?
2013? 2009? Weeks before they were engaged? Take your pick.What does Rachel Turner do?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Oooooh, that’s funny! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
She sings? OMG!
Have you seen this? Almost as funny as the idea that she does
anything. HAHAHAHA!Who has she dated in the past?
There’s
quite a collection of pics of herself draped over some investment banker in
NYC, whose wife works at Vogue. Does
that count? Oh, and there was that guy (not Benedict) she went to the National Theatre with last April. And the dude (also, not Benedict) whose lap she was sitting on in
a boat in Scotland … right around the time Kit was supposedly conceived, and also around the same time Benedict was pictured at the NT with a blonde. Hmmmmm.What films has she starred in?
Define “starred”? Only if “blink and you’ll miss it” counts as “starred”. The other Rachel Turner who “stars” in
Bondage films has more credits to her name.
Such a shame that the two sets of credits got mixed up for a while.Who designed her wedding dress?
The one she
wore on the actual day? Or the one they
used for the Vogue article, where she was pictured with a huge bump in one
shot, and twisted on a couch with a flat belly in another? They were both Valentino, but the one she
wore on the day was off-the-rack last season.Does Rachel Turner have Instagram?
Back in the
day, she had every social media going … including FaceBook. Who can forget that “I love you and need to
hear your voice” post on her FB from Gambles, right after she got engaged to
Benedict. Awwwww. Tho, she’s gone a tad quiet now. Her friends haven’t, quite the set of baiters
there. Lots of pictures and baity posts
made their way to tumblr … and the “Rachel Turner Central” site. Some even found their way to tumblr direct
from Russian social media sites, whoulda thunk it!
Ballsy: Based on this:
http://annashipper.tumblr.com/post/161900922952/who-is-sophie-hunter-everything-you-need-to-know
And this:
