By Myah Hollis
It’s hard to see what’s best for yourself when you’re invested in a relationship. It’s not always easy to remember who you are and what you want. You can start to lose yourself and forget to make yourself and your happiness a priority.
There is a lot of sh*t we put up with because the pain certain relationships bring us is less intimidating than the pain of letting go of the person you love.There’s nothing wrong with admitting a relationship has run its course. Even if you can’t conceptualize your life without that person, with time and distance, you’ll be able to see the relationship for what it was: toxic as hell.
1. Passive aggression
The whole “I hate it when you do that, but I’m just gonna keep it to myself and throw you shady little side glances” thing is unnecessary. Once you’re not comfortable being direct with your SO, you’ve lost that bond on which your relationship was initially built.
2. Jealousy and the blame game
We’re all only human, so jealousy will happen on some level. But, excessive jealousy is never okay. If you don’t have trust in a relationship, you literally have nothing worth holding on to.
3. Criticism and contempt
No one is perfect, and the closer you become with someone, the more conspicuous his or her imperfections will become. There is nothing wrong with criticism that comes from a positive place. When criticism is used as a channel to express contempt or disdain for someone else, it can make the other person feel unvalued and worthless. It’s hard for a relationship to come back from that.
4. Arguing without communicating
We all know that yelling over each other won’t get you anywhere. It’s natural to get upset and argue, but if there’s no exchange of communication and neither party conveys why he or she feels how he or she does, nothing will be solved.
5. Negative energy
Feeling uncomfortable or tense around someone is just your body reacting to the negative energy surrounding the two of you. Negativity can drain you mentally, physically and emotionally. We’re forced to deal with this stuff, but your SO should be a reprieve from that type of stress.
6. Avoiding each other
At the bare minimum, you should be able to tolerate your SO’s presence. If you can’t even bring yourself to be around him or her, you should really just call it quits.
7. You’re not yourself
Change will happen regardless. When you’re in a relationship, even if you both change, you should be going in the same direction. If your relationship changes you, it should only make you a better version of yourself. If you feel like you’re losing yourself or you don’t recognize who you are anymore, it’s not healthy.
8. Feeling like there’s no point
There is a difference between staying in a relationship because you’re comfortable and staying because you truly want to be there. If you feel like your relationship isn’t going anywhere, why waste the time? That’s time you’ll look back on with regret, but that you’ll never be able to relive.
9. You only think about making him or her happy
Once you hit your 20s, relationships are a trial run for marriage. You should be able to see potential in spending the rest of your life with your significant other because if not, what’s the point? You should want to make your SO happy, but it should be a two-way street. Your happiness should mean his or her happiness and vice versa. If you’re constantly trying to make them happy, but you’re not getting anything in return, then something in the cycle is disjointed. Happiness should be mutual.
10. You can’t seem to do anything right
Once you get to the point where you feel like everything you do upsets him or annoys her, and you’re tiptoeing around in your own relationship, you need to understand that you aren’t the problem. There is something with which your significant other is unhappy and he or she isn’t communicating that to you. Until he or she is honest with why he or she is really frustrated, nothing you do will seem to be enough.
11. Growth and change are seen as negatives
Relationships have to evolve in order to last. The whole “why can’t things just stay like this” mentality isn’t conducive to a long-term relationship. At some point, someone will want more. That’s not a bad thing, but both parties must be on the same page. There’s nothing wrong with taking the next step; doing so is a sign of maturity.
12. Reminiscing on the beginning instead of looking toward the future
Memories of the honeymoon phase are not enough to sustain you. You can’t relive the past. Relationships develop, but not always for the better. Fantasizing about what used to be is not living in reality.
13. You’re just not happy anymore
What it really comes down to is happiness. You don’t have to justify why you aren’t happy anymore. It isn’t realistic to expect to be happy in every moment of your relationship, but as a whole, this person should make you happier. He or she should make you feel supported and capable of doing whatever the hell it is you want to do. You should know that even though you don’t have control of every aspect of your life and things will fall apart, this person gives you stability. He or she helps you rebuild and gives you hope that things can be the way you think they should be.
If you don’t have that, is it really worth it?
Bolded #7 for reasons. I can’t believe stannies are that blind…