Common Defense Mechanisms and Personal Development

By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

In some areas of psychology (especially in psychodynamic theory), psychologists talk about “defense mechanisms,” or manners in which we behave or think in certain ways to better protect or “defend” ourselves. Defense mechanisms are one way of looking at how people distance themselves from a full awareness of unpleasant thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

Psychologists have categorized defense mechanisms based upon how primitive they are. The more primitive a defense mechanism, the less effective it works for a person over the long-term. However, more primitive defense mechanisms are usually very effective short-term, and hence are favored by many people and children especially (when such primitive defense mechanisms are first learned). Adults who don’t learn better ways of coping with stress or traumatic events in their lives will often resort to such primitive defense mechanisms as well.

Most defense mechanisms are fairly unconscious – that means most of us don’t realize we’re using them in the moment. Some types of psychotherapy can help a person become aware of what defense mechanisms they are using, how effective they are, and how to use less primitive and more effective mechanisms in the future.

Primitive Defense Mechanisms

1. Denial

Denial is the refusal to accept reality or fact, acting as if a painful event, thought or feeling did not exist. It is considered one of the most primitive of defense mechanisms because it is characteristic of early childhood development. Many people use denial in their everyday lives to avoid dealing with painful feelings or areas of their life they don’t wish to admit. For instance, a person who is a functioning alcoholic will often simply deny they have a drinking problem, pointing to how well they function in their job and relationships.

2. Regression

Regression is the reversion to an earlier stage of development in the face of unacceptable thoughts or impulses. For example an adolescent who is overwhelmed with fear, anger, and growing sexual impulses might become clingy and start exhibiting earlier childhood behaviors he has long since overcome, such as bedwetting. An adult may regress when under a great deal of stress, refusing to leave their bed and engage in normal, everyday activities.

3. Acting Out

Acting Out is performing an extreme behavior in order to express thoughts or feelings the person feels incapable of otherwise expressing. Instead of saying, “I’m angry with you,” a person who acts out may instead throw a book at the person, or punch a hole through a wall. When a person acts out, it can act as a pressure release, and often helps the individual feel calmer and peaceful once again. For instance, a child’s temper tantrum is a form of acting out when he or she doesn’t get his or her way with a parent. Self-injury may also be a form of acting-out, expressing in physical pain what one cannot stand to feel emotionally.

4. Dissociation

Dissociation is when a person loses track of time and/or person, and instead finds another representation of their self in order to continue in the moment. A person who dissociates often loses track of time or themselves and their usual thought processes and memories. People who have a history of any kind of childhood abuse often suffer from some form of dissociation. In extreme cases, dissociation can lead to a person believing they have multiple selves (“multiple personality disorder”). People who use dissociation often have a disconnected view of themselves in their world. Time and their own self-image may not flow continuously, as it does for most people. In this manner, a person who dissociates can “disconnect” from the real world for a time, and live in a different world that is not cluttered with thoughts, feelings or memories that are unbearable.

5. Compartmentalization

Compartmentalization is a lesser form of dissociation, wherein parts of oneself are separated from awareness of other parts and behaving as if one had separate sets of values. An example might be an honest person who cheats on their income tax return and keeps their two value systems distinct and un-integrated while remaining unconscious of the cognitive dissonance.

6. Projection

Projection is the misattribution of a person’s undesired thoughts, feelings or impulses onto another person who does not have those thoughts, feelings or impulses. Projection is used specially when the thoughts are considered unacceptable for the person to express, or they feel completely ill at ease with having them. For example, a spouse may be angry at their significant other for not listening, when in fact it is the angry spouse who does not listen. Projection is often the result of a lack of insight and acknowledgment of one’s own motivations and feelings.

7. Reaction Formation

Reaction Formation is the converting of unwanted or dangerous thoughts, feelings or impulses into their opposites. For instance, a woman who is very angry with her boss and would like to quit her job may instead be overly kind and generous toward her boss and express a desire to keep working there forever. She is incapable of expressing the negative emotions of anger and unhappiness with her job and instead becomes overly kind to publicly demonstrate her lack of anger and unhappiness.

Less Primitive, More Mature Defense Mechanisms

Less primitive defense mechanisms are a step up from the primitive defense mechanisms in the previous section. Many people employ these defenses as adults, and while they work okay for many, they are not ideal ways of dealing with our feelings, stress and anxiety. If you recognize yourself using a few of these, don’t feel bad – everybody does.

8. Repression

Repression is the unconscious blocking of unacceptable thoughts, feelings, and impulses. The key to repression is that people do it unconsciously, so they often have very little control over it. “Repressed memories” are memories that have been unconsciously blocked from access or view. But because memory is very malleable and ever-changing, it is not like playing back a DVD of your life. The DVD has been filtered and even altered by your life experiences, even by what you’ve read or viewed.

9. Displacement

Displacement is the redirecting of thoughts feelings and impulses directed at one person or object but taken out upon another person or object. People often use displacement when they cannot express their feelings in a safe manner to the person they are directed at. The classic example is the man who gets angry at his boss but can’t express his anger to his boss for fear of being fired. He instead comes home and kicks the dog or starts an argument with his wife. The man is redirecting his anger from his boss to his dog or wife. Naturally, this is a pretty ineffective defense mechanism, because while the anger finds a route for expression, it’s misapplication to other harmless people or objects will cause additional problems for most people.

10. Intellectualization

Intellectualization is the overemphasis on thinking when confronted with an unacceptable impulse, situation or behavior without employing any emotions whatsoever to help mediate and place the thoughts into an emotional, human context. Rather than deal with the painful associated emotions, a person might employ intellectualization to distance themselves from the impulse, event or behavior. For instance, a person who has just been given a terminal medical diagnosis, instead of expressing their sadness and grief, focuses instead on the details of all possible fruitless medical procedures.

11. Rationalization

Rationalization is putting something into a different light or offering a different explanation for one’s perceptions or behaviors in the face of a changing reality. For instance, a woman who starts dating a man she really, really likes and thinks the world of is suddenly dumped by the man for no reason. She reframes the situation in her mind with, “I suspected he was a loser all along.”

12. Undoing

Undoing is the attempt to take back an unconscious behavior or thought that is unacceptable or hurtful. For instance, after realizing you just insulted your significant other unintentionally, you might spend the next hour praising their beauty, charm, and intellect. By “undoing” the previous action, the person is attempting to counteract the damage done by the original comment, hoping the two will balance one another out.

Mature Defense Mechanisms

Mature defense mechanisms are often the most constructive and helpful to most adults, but may require practice and effort to put into daily use. While primitive defense mechanisms do little to try and resolve underlying issues or problems, mature defenses are more focused on helping a person be a more constructive component of their environment. People with more mature defenses tend to be more at peace with themselves and those around them.

13. Sublimation

Sublimation is simply the channeling of unacceptable impulses, thoughts and emotions into more acceptable ones. For instance, when a person has sexual impulses they would like not to act upon, they may instead focus on rigorous exercise. Refocusing such unacceptable or harmful impulses into productive use helps a person channel energy that otherwise would be lost or used in a manner that might cause the person more anxiety.

Sublimation can also be done with humor or fantasy. Humor, when used as a defense mechanism, is the channeling of unacceptable impulses or thoughts into a light-hearted story or joke. Humor reduces the intensity of a situation, and places a cushion of laughter between the person and the impulses. Fantasy, when used as a defense mechanism, is the channeling of unacceptable or unattainable desires into imagination. For example, imagining one’s ultimate career goals can be helpful when one experiences temporary setbacks in academic achievement. Both can help a person look at a situation in a different way, or focus on aspects of the situation not previously explored.

14. Compensation

Compensation is a process of psychologically counterbalancing perceived weaknesses by emphasizing strength in other areas. By emphasizing and focusing on one’s strengths, a person is recognizing they cannot be strong at all things and in all areas in their lives. For instance, when a person says, “I may not know how to cook, but I can sure do the dishes!,” they’re trying to compensate for their lack of cooking skills by emphasizing their cleaning skills instead. When done appropriately and not in an attempt to over-compensate, compensation is a defense mechanism that helps reinforce a person’s self-esteem and self-image.

15. Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the emphasis of a person’s needs or thoughts in a manner that is respectful, direct and firm. Communication styles exist on a continuum, ranging from passive to aggressive, with assertiveness falling neatly in between. People who are passive and communicate in a passive manner tend to be good listeners, but rarely speak up for themselves or their own needs in a relationship. People who are aggressive and communicate in an aggressive manner tend to be good leaders, but often at the expense of being able to listen empathetically to others and their ideas and needs. People who are assertive strike a balance where they speak up for themselves, express their opinions or needs in a respectful yet firm manner, and listen when they are being spoken to. Becoming more assertive is one of the most desired communication skills and helpful defense mechanisms most people want to learn and would benefit in doing so.

* * *

Remember, defense mechanisms are most often learned behaviors, most of which we learned during childhood. That’s a good thing because it means that, as an adult, you can choose to learn some new behaviors and new defense mechanisms that may be more beneficial to you in your life. Many psychotherapists will help you work on these things if you’d like. But even becoming more aware of when you’re using one of the less primitive types of defense mechanisms above can be helpful in identifying behaviors you’d like to reduce.

Codependent Marriage Junkies – The Celebrity Therapist

What many people don’t seem to understand is that drug addiction is often a symptom of an underlying EBD. It’s not always caused by trauma either, for example psycopathic individuals simply crave the effortless high it brings. Do not waste your pity on them, they will use it to manipulate you. Instead, save it for good people who self-medicate to numb the pain of abuse and neglect. Also, replacing drug use with other maladaptive behaviors such as co-dependency, eating disorders etc. is both senseless and counterproductive. The focus should be on processing trauma, getting rid of toxic individuals (they won’t change) and overcoming destructive habits so that one can truly heal…

Codependent Marriage Junkies – The Celebrity Therapist

I’m not anti-drugs, but smoking skunk made me completely lose my mind

In light of increased legalization, I feel the need to say something on the matter. NA culture teaches us to respect medicinal plants, they are not to be treated as a panacea and there are many cultivars of cannabis. ‘Skunk’ are those varieties selectively bred to contain as much as 10X more THC, way out of proportion to the therapeutic Cannabidiol that counters it’s negative side-effects. If you are going to use cannabis do not use ‘skunk’, particularly if you already have Mental Health problems. Do not buy from disreputable vendors, ask for medicinal or heirloom strains instead. Lives have been destroyed due to misinformation…

I’m not anti-drugs, but smoking skunk made me completely lose my mind

How to Tell You Are in the Presence of a Dangerous Person

By Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC

“Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!” Sir Walter Scott wrote this famous line in his poem titled Marmion about the Battle of Flodden (1808). (Interestingly enough, it is often misattributed to William Shakespeare.) His poem recounts a love story that survives despite a web of deceptions, manipulations, mischaracterizations, lies, and betrayals by two scheming people. It is tragic how people have not changed very much today.

Life would be easier if every person with evil or selfish intent was quickly identifiable. But, alas they are not. So the innocent get tangled up in a cobweb of deceit, find themselves in places they never thought they would go, feeling vulnerable and violated, and then left cleaning up the sticky mess of the web. The best way to avoid such a trap is to identify it early. When a person can see the cobweb in front of them, they can walk around it and not have to deal with the consequences of being entangled. What does that look like? Here are some clues:

  1. Concealed true intentions. Be leery of someone who encourages others to share first all the time. This is a way of learning their prey’s intentions and then adopting it as their own. In this manner, they successfully conceal their own true intentions of deceit while endearing their prey to come closer.
  2. Effortless work. This deceptive person takes credit for the work of others. They gather information, projects, and insights from others and place their name at the top of the list. If it seems like someone needs to have their hand in everyone’s assignments, it is because they are looking for opportunities to take advantage of others.
  3. Unnecessary drama. The easiest sleight of hand is to create an irresistible proposal or unnecessary drama. This forces the other person to come to the deceiver and address the issue. Then, the issue is tossed aside as the deceiver attacks on an entirely different, unexpected front. By avoiding the confrontation alone and having a companion along to listen, this can be evaded.
  4. Withholding instruction. One of the ways to keep a person dependent is to teach a small amount of information but withhold valuable knowledge so they will fail without the schemer. This process fosters more independence for the wrong party and more dependence on them for the prey.
  5. Unsuspecting gifts. A quick way to disarm a person is to give them a surprise gift for no reason. This simple gesture breaks down the guard of the prey while simultaneously making them feel indebted to the deceiver. Remember, a gift is just that a gift. There is no need to return the favor.
  6. Beneficial alliances. Most disingenuous people form multiple alliances in case they are needed in the future. A common tactic of deception is to discover some advantage to the prey for this allegiance. The more dirty it is, the better. They can kill two birds with one stone by later using this dirty to form a deeper unholy commitment or use it against the prey when needed.
  7. Sneaky questions. Another tactic used by a dishonest person is to appear friendly while secretly gathering valuable information about a person’s weaknesses. Benign questions timed inappropriately are designed to catch a person off guard and encourage an honest response. After revealing their vulnerabilities, the prey often finds that the information is shared to their detriment.
  8. Timed scarcity. A scheming person will time their disappearing act just in a moment that they are most needed. This is done to highlight the want of them to the point of desperation. Then they will reappear, just in time, to save the day and thus reestablish their value and worth. Sometimes, they even go to the length of creating a crisis just to drive this point home.
  9. Unpredictable behavior. One of the effective tools of terrorism is the absence of predictability. On a smaller scale, a devious person frequently changes their patterns and habits to keep others guessing. This forces anyone who might be onto them to spend ridiculous amounts of time and energy trying to guess their unpredictable behavior.
  10. Faked dumbness. To keep their prey from realizing just how smart or clever they are, a deceptive person will fake their dumbness. This allows the deceiver time to better assess their prey and gather information before attacking. It is also an effective method for concealing ulterior motives.
  11. Courting superiors. It is difficult for a person in a position of power over a deceiver to see the deception. Others may have seen it and even correctly identified it but the person in power will not. This is because the schemer openly yields to their superior, flatters them, and even plays the victim so the influential person has cause to help them. Of course, they do all this indirectly so they can later claim deniability should the person of power lose their position.
  12. Trail of scapegoats. The last and best method of detecting a devious person is to look at the trail of victims or scapegoats left in their wake. If a person has a long list of such people, it usually because they refuse to accept responsibility for their contribution to whatever damage occurred. Avoid anyone who consistently blames others for their life circumstances.

Learning these twelve tell-tale signs of a deceptive person will help to prevent some of the trappings. Of course, the best signal is intuition that something is not right. Trust those instincts and it will be easier to avoid a scheming snare.